“You wanted to see me, Sir?” Logan asked, standing in the open doorway of Joel’s sixth floor office.         “Yes. Yes, I did. Come in. Shut the door,” Joel instructed, looking up at him. This was a serious issue - and it was definitely no one else’s business.         Logan sat down in the chair facing Joel’s desk and waited. He had to admit the call had surprised him. While it was hardly unheard of for Joel Gibson to call you on your day off, he almost never called you sounding so...well, Logan couldn’t describe it. All he knew was Mr. Gibson sounded different. Much different than he ever had before.         Clearing his throat, Joel leaned across the desk. “This is not easy for me to say.”         “What? What is it?”         “There has been a rumor going around.” Immediately, Logan started squirming. That spoke volumes to Joel. He had obviously heard it, too. “There has been a rumor going around about you and my wife,” Joel continued, clearing his throat again. “It’s being said that you and my wife are...conducting an affair. I just called you in to make sure there was no truth to it.” While Joel had expected Logan to immediately deny the allegation, all he did was sit there and stare at him. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” Joel prodded.         “I - I don’t know what to say,” Logan admitted quietly.         “Well, you can start by saying it isn’t true.”         “I...Oh, my God...” Logan leaned way forward in the chair.         Joel instantly felt nauseous. Glaring across the desk at Logan, he demanded through gritted teeth, “Tell me it isn’t true.”         Logan ran both hands over his face and sighed. “I can’t.”         Joel exploded. “What?”         Logan couldn’t even bring himself to look up. Somehow, someway, he’d known all that would come back to haunt him. He just hadn’t been thinking at the time. He and Nina had gone to lunch together at Beth Alexander’s a week and a half ago and had a little time to burn after the meal. One thing led to another and...well, you know. And, apparently, so did Mr. Gibson.         God, Logan was sorry. He had never meant for that to happen. It was just a primal thing. For what it was worth, it hadn’t meant anything to him. He was still very much in love with his girlfriend Heather just as he was sure Nina was still in love with Mr. Gibson.         Still, regardless of whether or not it had meant something, they had done it. And it had gotten out. And now he had to own up to the consequences. Looking up, Logan almost felt tears come to his eyes. “Sir, I’m so sorry.”         Joel shook his head, almost in disbelief. “What are you telling me? Are you telling me that it’s true? Are you telling me you’ve been sleeping with my wife?”         “It only happened once,” Logan maintained.         Joel, acting on pure instinct, lunged across the desk at him. Logan jumped back and turned on the water works. “Mr. Gibson, you have to believe me. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just did. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”         “Don’t tell me you’re sorry! You’ve been screwing around with my wife! My God, Logan! After everything I’ve done for you! I’ve given you everything! I can’t believe you would betray me like that! How could you?”         “Mr. Gibson, I’m sorry.”         “Don’t give me that shit! Do you know what all I've given up for you? Do you know who all I had to defend you to? Do you know, Logan? Do you honestly know? I’ve sacrificed my ass for you and you do what to me? You wait till my back is turned and you nail my wife? Is that how it works?”         “I never meant for it to happen.” Logan swore.         Joel's eyes were seething. “I’m done with you. Get your stuff. You’re gone. You’re fired.”         Although he knew that was a fitting punishment for what he had done, Logan still looked up and protested, “You can’t fire me. I have a contract.”         “Don’t tempt me,” Joel snarled. “I will rip up that contract if I have to. You will never set foot in this building again. Do you hear me?”         Totally, utterly defeated, Logan only nodded. He then got up and exited the office. The minute he was gone, Joel sank back down in his chair. His whole soul was reeling. God, he couldn’t believe it. He just couldn’t believe it. Nina and Logan. Logan. His protégée Logan.         Feeling both infuriated and betrayed, he buried his face in his hands and broke down. That was when the phone rang. At first, Joel thought about just not answering it but quickly reasoned that business had to continue. His personal life might have been falling apart, but he still had an obligation to JLN. JLN. Joel Loves Nina. Ironic.         Wiping his face with the back of his hand, he cleared his throat and picked up the receiver on his desk. “Yes, this is Joel.”         “Um, hey, Mr. Gibson, it’s Frankie. Frankie Wright.”         “Yes. Yes. How are you, Frankie? What’s going on? Is the tour going all right?”         Frankie hesitated. “Actually, no. We have a pretty big problem right now.”         Joel sighed. Mediating Phoenix and Mel. That should get his mind off his own situation. “What seems to be the trouble?”         “Phoenix’s mother just passed away.”         Joel was literally struck dumb. That was the absolute last thing he’d been expecting to hear. Quickly regaining his composure, he replied quietly, “Tell him I’m so sorry.”         “I will. I just wanted to call and tell you that because he’s going to have to miss some shows - ”         “Yes. Yes, of course. I understand fully,” Joel assured.         Frankie seemed surprised. “You - you do?”         “Tell him to take all the time he needs. Do you need to cancel for tonight?”         “Actually, yeah.”         “I’ll get someone on it,” Joel promised.         Again, Frankie sounded surprised. “You will?”         “Don't worry about it. Tell him how sorry I am, okay?”         “I - I will, Sir," Frankie drawled. "Thank you.”         “No problem.” With that, Joel hung up the phone. Okay. He now had a mission. He now had something major to divert his attention. That still did not resolve this - he had yet to talk to Nina - but it would at least allow him some time to calm down. That was what he needed most of all. He’d been angry enough to snap Logan’s spiky little head off.         God, what a tragedy. He hoped Phoenix was doing okay. He knew how close he was to his mother. What a tragedy. What a huge tragedy ... *****        When T.J. got home from the studio that afternoon (after tracking what would be the last song on The Golden Dream, instrumental rocker “Reservations”), he found Cecily in the process of packing. “What are you doing? What’s going on?” he asked, fearing the worst.         She turned toward him. It was obvious she had been crying. “Kristen called. Phoenix’s mother died.”         “What?” That was quite a shock. I mean, yeah, Miss Doreen had been sick, but she seemed to have made a great recovery. The last time T.J. had seen her, she’d looked wonderful. That was only a few months ago. Whoa.         He sank down onto the bed and ran both hands over his face. Cecily resumed her packing, explaining, “I told her we would be right there.”         “Oh, yeah. Yeah.”         “I, um, already called the travel agent - he’s supposed to call me back about a flight. I told him to get one as soon as possible.”         “Yeah. Yeah. Okay.”         “I just can’t believe it,” she sighed.         “Yeah, me either. Did Kristen say how Phoenix is doing?”         “I didn’t ask, but I can assume he’s a wreck. I mean, I barely knew the woman and I’m a wreck. She was just ...”         “Extraordinary,” Trent finished her sentence for her, lying back against the pillows. “She was one extraordinary woman. That’s so horrible.”         “I’m so sorry, honey. I know you were close to her,” Cecily forced the suitcase closed and threw it down on the floor, sitting beside him. She raised a hand to stroke his face. “I’m so sorry.”         “It’s okay. I’m okay,” T.J. insisted. “She wasn’t my mom. It’s Phoenix I’m worried about.”         “I’m hoping we can get out there soon.”         “Did the travel agent say when he was gonna call back?”         “As soon as he could book a flight.”         “And how long has it been?”         “About two hours.”         “That’s too long,” Trent resolved, sitting up. “That’s way too long. I’m gonna call him back and ask what the hold-up is.”         “I’m sure he’s moving as fast as he can,” Cecily tried to reason.         He was not hearing it. “Yeah? Well, that’s not fast enough.”         “Look, honey, I know that - ”         “This is not about me, Sess. This is about Phoenix. He’s the one I’m concerned about.”         “I understand that. I do,” she assured, putting a hand on his shoulder. “But I don’t see how calling the travel agent and bullying him is going to make Phoenix feel better.”         “He needs me, Sess.”         “Of course he does. Of course he does, T.J. But there’s nothing we can do to speed this up. We’ve been here before. Remember the five-hour delay that time? This is hardly unusual. And it never seemed to faze you before.”         “Yeah, well, it was never an emergency before.”         “No. It wasn’t. But - ” The phone rang. Cecily reached toward it. “See? That’s him right now. Do me a favor and finish packing that bag, would you? We’re probably gonna have to leave pretty soon.”         Without a word, Trent complied. Cecily picked up the phone, hoping against hope that this was indeed the travel agent. Unfortunately, it was not. It was Tony, who sounded just as leveled as T.J. “Did you guys hear about Miss Doreen?”         “Yes. We did,” Cecily affirmed sadly, cupping a hand over the receiver and reporting to Trent, “It’s Tony.”         “Well, that’s just typical. That’s just fucking typical!” he replied angrily, shoving some clothes into the suitcase. Was that guy ever gonna call?         Tony almost sounded amused. “Wow. What a welcome. Tell him I miss him too.”                 “Sorry about that," Cecily apologized. "He’s just frustrated. We’re waiting on our travel agent.”         “And we’ve been waiting for two fucking hours,” T.J. interjected loudly.         “I can sympathize,” Tony said, explaining, “I’m at the airport right now.”         “Are you waiting on a flight?”         “Yes," Tony affirmed with a sigh. "And I have been for three fucking hours - so tell T.J. that I win the waiting game.”         The mood he was in right now? Cecily would sooner eat glass. Instead, she only sighed. “Where are you?”         “Still in New York.”         “Oh, that’s right. Your exhibit. When is that coming up?”         “Tomorrow night.”         “And you’re leaving?” She couldn't help but sound surprised.         Again, he sighed. “I don’t have a choice. I mean, what kind of person would I be if I didn’t come?”         “I’m sure Phoenix would understand,” she attempted to assure.         “Sure he would, but I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night. This is something friends do for each other and, last time I checked, Phoenix is my friend. Simple as that.”         “At least tell me they're going to reschedule.”         He hesitated. “Um, I really don’t think so. I  pissed the gallery owner off. I called him and said, ‘Hey, an emergency has come up. I’ve gotta go home.’ And he lost it. He goes, ‘All the money I put into this exhibit and all the time I spent on you and you’re gonna do this?’”         “Wait a minute. Who the hell said you had to be there in the first place? It can still go on without you there!”         "Not according to him, it can't. So...you know..."         "That's so wrong!" Cecily declared. "That is just so wrong, Tony. That's something that couldn't be helped!"         “Ceece, he doesn’t care about that. This is New York City. Nobody cares about that. And they say L.A. is bad.”         “Oh, Tony, I’m so sorry.” Cecily sank down on the bed.         “Ah, don't be, kid. I had a choice. I made it.”         “But you’ve worked so hard for this,” she pointed out, sounding extremely disappointed that his big chance had just passed him by.         He forced himself to laugh. “Don’t tell me that! The magnitude of this hasn’t sunken in yet. The more I think about it, the more I’m gonna wanna reconsider and I can’t do that. I made my choice and I have to live with it. Let’s just leave it at that.”         “Well...that’s very noble.”         “I’m nothing if not noble.”         She opted to change the subject. “So Kristen called you?”         “Yeah. She somehow found me. She called the hotel where I was staying and left me a message.”         After that, there was silence. Trent finished ruining her clothes (I mean, packing the bag) and walked into the bathroom, slamming the door. Cecily sighed into the receiver while Tony eyed the board above him, in the vain hope that he might have missed the listing for Missoula. Finally, he spoke. “Hey, I better get off the phone in case your travel agent tries to call.”         She nodded. “Okay. All right.”         “I just wanted to see if you knew.”         “Yeah. Well, we do.”         “Okay. Well, I guess I’ll see you in Bozeman, then.”         “Last one there’s a rotten egg,” she half-heartedly joked. “Thanks for calling.”         “Sure. Anytime. I’ll see you later.”         “All right. Bye.”         After hanging up the phone, Tony lugged his two tons of luggage back across the terminal and took a seat. All of the sudden, it hit him. My God, he had just ruined his big chance. This was the event he’d dreamed about his whole entire life and he had just forfeited it all for a friend. How...well, noble was one word. Absolutely insane was another.         Arthur Womack had sounded like he had steam coming out of his ears earlier. Tony couldn’t blame him much. He had sacrificed a lot to give him this exhibit, including a large amount of credibility. Who would give a man that wore bright yellow suits and mismatched shoes on-stage and had minimal talent at best their own art exhibit? He had really stuck his neck out here. And how had Tony repaid him? He had practically slit the man’s throat.      Needless to say, the reaction had been warranted. There was just no way around this, though. Although he was sure Phoenix would have understood, Tony could never live with himself if he just sent flowers and a card that said,  I’m having the time of my life. Wish you were here. Oh, and sorry about your mom.  He just couldn’t do that. It was selfish and it was inhumane. And he knew that Phoenix would never do it to him.         Much as he had told Cecily on the phone, he had a choice and he made it. End of story. There was no use going back over it. All that was gonna accomplish was making him regret what he’d done and he wasn’t gonna let that happen. He had done the right thing. That was all there was to it.         And you know what else? If Arthur Womack had had that violent of a reaction to a cancellation that couldn’t be helped, he was probably not the person Tony thought he was in the first place. He had to keep telling himself that. The man should have had more compassion. Tony doubted he would close down the gallery if his own mother had died. That was a type of person he didn’t need to be working with, anyway.         Yeah. He had to keep telling himself that. He had to keep reminding himself that this had been for the best. That he had done the right thing. ’Cause he had. He really had ...         Although she was slightly apprehensive about heading into the bathroom after her husband, Cecily deemed it necessary. He had been obviously shaken by the news and she didn’t want him to be alone in his grief.         When she came in, she saw him sitting along the lining of the bathtub. He had his face in his hands. “T.J., honey?” she asked gently, coming toward him.         He looked up at her, making every effort possible to hide what he’d been doing. “Yeah? What? Did he call yet?”         “No. Not yet.” She knelt in front of him and took hold of his hand. “I’m so sorry.”         “I’m okay, Sess,” he insisted. “I’m okay.”         “I know you’re upset. And that’s okay. It’s okay to be upset. I was.”         “I’m not upset for me,” he clarified, sniffling. “I’m upset for Phoenix.” She gently raised a hand to his face and nodded. He went on. “I mean, she was his whole world. And what’s he gonna do now? You saw how he handled it when he and Jimmy broke up. You saw how he shut down. I just don’t want that for him again. That scared the hell out of me, Sess. I just...”         “I know. I know,” she assured, reaching to wipe the reluctant tears that fell down his face.         “He’s my best friend and I don’t wanna see him lose it again is all.”         “I know you don’t.  I don’t either.”... *****         Frankie had to say he was surprised. The whole way home, Phoenix hadn’t cracked at all. You would think he would have been inconsolable, but he wasn’t. All he did was sit there and stare silently out the window. Midway through the flight, he even fell asleep. Frankie was floored. He doubted he could be that calm if his mother had just died. That proved something - Phoenix was obviously made of much stronger stuff than he was.         Upon finally landing in Missoula, Phoenix thanked Frankie for making the trip with him, yet again stressed how unnecessary it had been then assured that he could get a cab home. Frankie didn’t doubt that he could. His resolve was unbelievable. He had never seen anybody be so calm in the face of such a tragedy. He just couldn’t get over it.         Neither had Phoenix. He had rather surprised himself. Not only had he gotten some earth-shattering news, he had had to board a plane directly afterwards. If that didn’t earn him a one-way trip to the nearest padded cell, nothing would. Still, he had managed to keep it together. He had even managed to sleep. That was the big time. He was still marveling at it when he got home.         Kristen was waiting on the couch when he came in and threw her arms around him. It was obvious right off the bat that she was more upset than he was. She had big raccoon rings around her eyes and her nose was bright red. However, she put her brave face on for him, encouraging him to “let it out.”         As much as he knew he should, Phoenix just wasn’t in the mood. The tears just weren’t there. They would be shortly, he had no doubt, but right now, he was just exhausted. These past few weeks had really taken a lot out of him. And the nap on the plane had done little good.         So he just thanked her for her concern, assured that he would be okay and said he needed to be by himself for a while. Kristen seemed reluctant to leave him alone (which he could understand - he had contemplated suicide once before when a tragedy like this struck) but did agree. She told him how much she loved him, how much she’d missed him and how sorry she was, then let him retreat off into his room.         Although she did not let on, that really worried her. Of course, she knew the likelihood of him actually killing himself was slim to none - she knew him well enough to know that was not his style. Still, though, she was concerned. That was probably why she kept running back there every five minutes to make sure he was still breathing.         Yeah, that was a little obsessive, but what else could she do? She was really, really worried about him. And besides, it’s not like she was waking him up or anything. He was not conscious of her constant comings and goings at all. In fact, he didn’t even stir when she came in. He was gone, gone, gone. Poor thing. She had no idea what he must have been going through. This had to be killing him. And yet what was he doing? Sleeping. What was wrong with that, huh?         Thankfully, she got a slight diversion in the first of Donnie’s buddies to arrive, Tony. He got there at about seven-thirty and apologized for not arriving sooner - he said he just couldn’t get a flight. He also asked how Phoenix was faring. Kristen was honest: “Not good.”         “Did he take it hard?” Tony asked, setting his load down.         “Actually, he took it very well,” Kristen informed, taking a seat on the couch and motioning for him to join her. “He came in and he looked fine. He didn’t cry or anything. All he did was go in there and go to sleep.”         “He’s asleep right now?”         “In there,” she pointed, “yeah.”         “That really doesn’t surprise me,” Tony said, sitting down and leaning back against the sofa. It wouldn’t take much for him to fall asleep right now. What a long day.         “It doesn’t?” she asked.         “Nope. That’s how Phoenix handles everything. I guess it’s his coping mechanism. I read somewhere that hypersomnia - sleeping too much - was a sign someone was depressed. He definitely fits that description.”         Wow. Tony was full of surprises. Kristen had honestly never pegged him as a psycho-analyst. She’d always thought that was T.J.’s field. “I don’t know if that’s it or if he’s just exhausted. He’s been working really hard,” she replied, wanting to give Donnie the benefit of the doubt.         “It’s probably a mixture of both. This is a really big thing. And Phoenix isn’t great at handling really big things. Let’s face it - he’s a guy. We’re not notoriously emotional. At least, I know I’m not. I would rather shove down something this intense than feel it. That’s what Phoenix is doing. When he’s asleep, he doesn’t have to deal with it.”         She couldn’t help but show her amazement. “How do you know all this?”         Tony sighed. “Been there, done that. I must have slept for a straight month when the whole Kath thing went down. I just didn’t want to get up. Why would I? All I’d be dealing with was problems. I know how he’s feeling. I went through the same thing.”         “So did you eventually deal with it?” She couldn't help but probe.         His answer was instant. “This isn’t about me.”         “You brought yourself into this.”         “Strictly as an example. We’re worried about Phoenix, here. Not me.”         “That’s a big, fat no,” Kristen surmised.         Tony stood. “Do you have anything to eat? I’m starving.”         She caught the hint. “Yeah. Come on.”         As he followed her into the kitchen, he asked, “Are you gonna mind putting me up for a few days? I hate to impose but I’m pretty tapped. I’ve been staying in all these fancy New York hotels and they’re expensive as hell.”         “That’s fine. That’s fine. I don’t mind. And I don’t think Donnie will, either. But be forewarned: this is no fancy New York hotel.”         “At this point, as long as there’s food and a place to collapse, I honestly don’t care,” he admitted with a sigh.         “What do you want to eat?”         “Something microwaveable. I’m not gonna be picky.”         She laughed. “All we have is microwaveable stuff. I don’t cook.”         He sat down at the table. “You don’t cook? Is that why you haven’t found a husband yet?”         “Well, that and my hideous personality,” Kristen laughed, pulling a TV dinner out of the freezer. “Is this gonna be okay?”         “That's great. Thank you.”         “Sure.” She set about preparing his dinner, getting back to the matter at hand. “I just wish he would talk to me.”         “He will when he gets ready,” Tony assured sleepily.         “It’s just hard. I know he’s going through it right now. I know he’s hurting. I’m hurting.”         “You were pretty close to her?”         “Yeah. My mom died seven years ago and Miss Doreen sort of took over for her. She kind of adopted me.”         “I’m sorry,” he sympathized.         “Don’t be. I’ve been here before. I know how to handle this. He doesn’t. I’m just worried about him. And the longer he puts off talking to me about it, the more worried I am. I just don’t wanna see him shut down.” Kristen bit her lip. She really couldn't imagine what was going on in Donnie's mind right now, but she wished she could do something - anything - to make it better.         “What makes you so sure he will?”         “I know him, Tony. I’ve known him for years. I know him better than he knows himself. Trust me on this. He will shut down.”         “Well, has he?”         She shrugged. “I don’t know. That’s the thing. He won’t talk to me.”         “Well, he only just got home. Give him time. Whenever he wakes up, he’ll probably be ready. Don’t worry about it.” Tony briefly rested his face in his hands before sighing again. "I'm sure everything will be fine."         “I don’t know. I don’t know.” She put the plate in the microwave and sat down. “I just think he should be making more of a big deal over this.”         He looked up at her. “Would you have been happier if he’d come in and fallen down and ripped his clothes and rolled around on the floor?”         “You know what? Probably. That way, at least I’d know he was dealing with it.”         “I don’t know what to tell you, Kristen," he sighed.  "I really don’t. I wish I had the answer. I don’t know what’s going on in his head right now. All I can tell you is how it was for me. For me, it was a pride thing. I didn’t want anybody to see me like that. I would lock all the doors, shut all the blinds and take the phone off the hook. I just couldn’t live with the idea of somebody knowing how badly I was taking it.”         “He shouldn’t have to hide from me. We share everything.”         “He’s a guy. Everybody knows guys don’t cry. For me, it was as simple as that.”         “But - ”         “We’re talking in circles,” Tony resolved. “We are talking in circles. I can’t advise you on what to do for Phoenix. Like I said, I don’t know how he’s feeling. All I know is how it was for me and Phoenix is not me. I’m really not the one you should be asking. Teej will be here soon. You should ask him.”         For a brief moment, Kristen just stared. It almost sounded as if Tony didn’t want to help. That he didn’t want to be privy to this.         And if you want the truth, he didn’t. The last thing he wanted to do was insert himself into Phoenix’s pain. He could barely handle his own. Why in God’s name would he want to tap into someone else’s?         Also, he was so tired he could barely hold his head up. All of the sudden, it had hit. This was the first time he had actually sat down and relaxed all day - although he had sat for hours both waiting for a plane and during the flight itself, that was hardly relaxing. Although he knew Kristen probably thought he was the rudest son-of-a-bitch she had ever seen, he just couldn’t focus anymore. As soon as he got something in his stomach, he was going to sleep. He didn’t care where.         “I’m sorry, Kris,” he apologized, running a hand over his face. “I just don’t think I can help you very much. Especially not right now.”         “I understand,” she affirmed, getting up to check on his TV dinner. “I know you’re pretty tired. And this should be between me and Donnie, anyway. I’m sorry I even brought you into it.”         “Hey, don’t be. I asked.”         “You didn’t ask for the whole story.”         “No, but I didn’t mind hearing it. I just don’t know what to say.”         “I know. I know. It’s okay.” Looking back over her shoulder, she smiled. “You look like you’re about ready to crawl into bed yourself.”         “I am. This has been a long day.”         “Feel up to telling me about it?”         He shook his head. “I doubt you’d be interested.”         “I might surprise you.”         “All right. You asked for it. Well, it started out good enough. I was at the gallery all morning - ”         “What gallery?"         “The one for the exhibit,” he explained, looking down at the table. The exhibit he'd blown off to be here. He really didn't need to think about that, even though he was certain she'd bring it up.         “Oh! I remember. So when is that?”         Tony couldn't bring his eyes up to meet hers, admitting to the table cloth, “It was gonna be tomorrow, but they cancelled it.”         “What? Why?”         “Because I’m not gonna be there.”         Fully realizing the sacrifice Tony had made to be here, Kristen sat down beside him. “Oh, my God. You chose Donnie over your dream.”         “You could write movie posters,” he joked, smiling wearily. “I could just see it: He gave up his lifelong dream for his lifelong friend. Or something like that. And a picture of the star looking all angst-ridden. That would make a really good one. Can I steal it?”         “Tony, I’m serious.” She reached out and took hold of his hand. “I can’t believe this. You came even though -”         He wrestled his hand away and held it up. “Kris, please. I’ve been over this enough today. I don’t wanna go over it again. I chose to be here. There’s no place else I’d rather be, I swear. Phoenix is one of my best friends in the world and I would sooner die than desert him at a time like this. He never deserted me.”         “You’re an amazing friend. If I could have a friend like you, I would be all set.”         “I don’t think you could afford me, baby. My going rate is pretty high. You do know who I am, don’t you?”         “Tony Millerstein, baby,” she said, smiling at him. “And let me say, it’s awesome to even be in your presence.”         “Bask in my presence,” he corrected, then sighed. “Seriously, I would do anything for Phoenix. And this is no big deal. Really.”         “Still. This means so much. Thank you.”         Yet again running a hand over his face, Tony quickly dismissed her praise. “Hey, don’t mention it. Anytime.” ...         Trent and Cecily finally arrived at around ten - at about the same time Phoenix stumbled from his bedroom, the cat on his heels. Kristen, who had been thinking over what Tony had said for hours (while he slept in her room), quickly discounted all of it, running straight for him and again encouraging him to let it out. Donnie seemed much more interested in feeding Cat - and talking to T.J.         That one stung, even though Kristen knew she really shouldn’t be offended. That was, after all, his best friend. And as an added bonus, he had an uncanny knack for calming Donnie down. That was the very person he needed to be talking to right now. Still, it sort of stung that she had blatantly reached out to him twice and he didn’t even react. T.J. comes in, says hi and all of the sudden, Donnie’s ready to tell him everything? What was wrong with that?         Nothing. Nothing. She had to keep telling herself that. This was what he needed more than anything: Therapy. So she was gonna leave them to it.         Phoenix hadn’t really planned to let go of everything like that. He hadn’t even realized there was that much to let go of. It just seemed that when he sat down with T.J., everything came out. It was truly unexplainable.         Sitting on the floor of his room, right in front of his bed, Phoenix actually heaved with sobs, lamenting the fact that one, his mom was dead and two, that he had not been there to say a proper goodbye.         And throughout everything, Trent sat dutifully and listened. He barely said a word. He didn’t think he needed to. It was not about what he said. It was about what he did. Phoenix didn’t need some long consolation. He needed a friend who would sit there with him - a validation that he was not alone. So that was exactly what T.J. provided, well into the night.      It must have been past midnight when Phoenix looked up and whispered, “I just...I feel like I should have been there. She died without me. That is what...what gets me.”         Finding his voice, Trent consoled quietly, “You had obligations.”         Phoenix shook his head. His eyes burned from having cried so much. And you know what? He knew this was just the tip of the iceberg. “No. Uh-uh. I didn’t have any obligation to anyone but her. Nothing was more important to me than her. Nothing. And you know, all she had to do was call. I talked to her last night! Do you believe that? I talked to her last night and she was fine. She sounded just fine. I asked her how she was doing and she told me she felt great. She told me she felt great.”         Staring down at the carpeting, T.J. nodded. Phoenix went on. “All she had to do was tell me, you know? If she had said, ‘I don’t feel so good. I think I might be getting sick again,’ I would have come home like that. But she didn’t tell me. She didn’t tell me anything. She either didn’t want me there or she just didn’t know. Whichever, she died without me, Trent. That is the thing I just can’t live with. I promised her I’d be there. I promised. I promised her...”      Phoenix buried his face in his hands. T.J. reached out a hand to pat his back. “I know how you feel but at least you were doing something important. Do you know what I was doing when my grandpa died? Getting high somewhere. I found out two days after the fact and I was too high to care. When you really think about it, Phoenix, you had a legitimate reason for being gone and I think Miss Doreen understood that. She knew you had to work. You had to be out there. You had an excuse. I didn’t.”         Phoenix’s whole demeanor changed. As he turned to his friend, he was furious. “When did this become about you?”         Trent was clearly taken aback. “What?”         “Everything’s about you, isn’t it, T.J.? Whenever you lose a sock, you run crying to me and yet when I need you, all you wanna talk about is you!”         “What? What the fuck are you talking about?” Trent seemed pretty fired up himself. He had certainly not come all the way out here to be berated. Understandably, Phoenix was under a lot of stress but that didn’t give him the right to turn on him. All he’d been trying to do was help. “It’s the other goddamn way around and you know it.”         “Oh, really?" Phoenix challenged. "Is that right?”         “Yeah, you know what? It is right! Don’t you dare make this about me.”         “You did a damn fine job of that yourself.”         For the life of him, Trent could not understand this mood swing. “What the hell is the matter with you? I’m trying to help - ”         Phoenix kept that seething gaze locked dead on him. “Not hard enough, obviously.”         “You know what? I don’t have to take this shit from you. Not now. I’m tired, I’m hungry, I - ”         “Me, me, me,” Phoenix mocked, much as T.J. had a few weeks back in Dallas. “I give and give and give and what do I get back? Nothing! That’s what! I just lost my mom, Trent. My mom! I need someone to listen to me. Someone to understand. You don’t! You only care about yourself, T.J. Just you! Go ahead. Boast that you and Cecily are back together. Boast. Please! Plunge the knife in deeper. I deserve it for being so stupid!”         “The only thing stupid about you is this stupid shit you’re spouting,” Trent declared angrily. “What the fuck is your problem?”         Phoenix hesitated for a brief moment, then started screaming. “You wanna know what my problem is? I’ll tell you what my problem is: I’m too nice! I’m too damn nice! When you call me, I hurt for you. I care about you. And you - ”         “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t care,” Trent informed, about ready to knock Phoenix across the room.         “Or if you didn’t wanna rub my nose in your happiness. Either that or need something. I do everything I can for you and yet you’re so selfish you can’t put yourself aside for one minute to think about anyone else. As long as you’re okay, you don’t care. I can’t see why Cecily would want you in the first place, let alone want you back. She deserves better. Better than you.”         Trent's eyes widened. He could not believe Phoenix had just said that. “You’re jealous! You’re jealous because you haven’t had a decent relationship, well, ever. Could be because you’re lookin’ at the wrong kind. Women aren’t so bad, bud. Why don’t you try ’em?”         “Oh, sure. Throw that up in my face!" Phoenix encouraged. "That's what you're so fucking good at! Throw stones in your fucking little glass house. I'll tell you what - at least I never had to put anything up my nose to be happy with myself!”         Utterly shocked and incensed, Trent stood up furiously. “You know what? I’ve had it. Fuck you!” He then stalked from the room, yelling, “Sess! Hey! Get out here! We’re going home!”         Right behind him, Phoenix informed angrily, “I wish you’d stayed home!”         Turning back toward him, Trent gave a glare that honestly shocked his best friend. “Oh, don’t worry. You won’t be seeing much of me anymore.” He then resumed his yelling. “Sess!”         “What? What is it? What’s going on?” Both she and Kristen came out of the kitchen.         Reaching out to grab her arm, Trent simply informed, “We’re leaving.”         She pulled away. “What? Why?”         “Do you want the long answer or the short answer?”         “I’d settle for any answer right now, Trent. What is going on?”         “Phoenix is what's going on,” he supplied, without so much as a glance back at him.         “Go fuck yourself!” Phoenix yelled, right behind him.         Turning toward him again, T.J.’s glare got even fiercer. “I have had it with you! I mean it. You say one more word to me and I swear to God that I will kill you. Just leave me the fuck alone! Sess, come on. We’re leaving.”         “We can’t just leave. And I won’t go anywhere till I figure out what’s going on,” she informed, crossing her arms.         “Fine. Fine. Stay, then. I’ll just leave.” With that, Trent walked out the door. At one o’clock in the morning. With no car at his disposal. Cecily was quickly right behind him, while Phoenix only stalked back in the direction of his bedroom. Kristen stood silently for a moment before following him. Coming right in and slamming the door, she was glaring something awful. No more Mr. Nice Guy.        “All right. You’re gonna talk to me and you’re gonna talk to me now. What the hell happened with you and T.J.?”         “None of your fucking business, Kristen,” he replied, without turning around.         She forcibly turned him around, ignoring the death glare he was giving her. “No. I don’t think so. It’s my business when you do it in our house. What was that all about?”         “I don’t want him here.”         “And all of this is after you run off with him to discuss your feelings!” She couldn't help but sound a bit hostile.         “What are you, jealous?”         “Maybe.”         “Oh, no. Don’t you start in on me, too. This has been the worst day of my life. I don’t need this shit from you right now.”         “Why don’t you ever talk to me?”         He pointed at her. “Because you always do this!”         “What? Because I what?”         “You heard me.”         “So did the entire goddamn block. What is this, Donnie? I don’t get it.”         He got right in her face. “This, Kristen. This nagging. This yelling. This cursing me. I don’t need this. I don’t need this.”         Without another word, he headed into his bathroom. She only sank down onto the bed. What a disaster. What a huge disaster.         Suddenly, a knock came on the door. She jumped, looking up as a disheveled Tony opened the door. “Can I come in? Will I get yelled at?”         She wiped at the tears that had sprung up out of nowhere. “Wow. You know, I almost forgot you were here, you were so quiet.”         “Yeah," he laughed. "I was asleep. Note I said ‘was.’”         “Did I wake you up? I’m so sorry.”         “No. Phoenix and T.J. woke me up. What were they yelling about?”         “I don’t know. I don’t know.”         She ran both hands over her face. He was immediately right beside her. Putting an arm around her, he pulled her into him. “Shh. Don’t cry. I know this has been a lousy day but whatever they were fighting about shouldn’t affect you.”         “I’m just frustrated.”         “I know. I know.” His voice was so calming. Instantly, her tears dried. He leaned down and whispered into her ear, “Don’t let them get to you. They do this all the time, with or without a reason.”         “Yeah. I know.”         “Don’t cry. It’s gonna be okay. I promise you it will.”         Listening to their conversation in the bathroom, Phoenix stared hard at himself in the mirror. God, he hoped so ... *****         The two days that followed were hard ones. While the tension had considerably ebbed, it was far from gone. Phoenix was still not volunteering any insight into his state of mind for Kristen, nor anyone else. After that huge fight with T.J. Tuesday night, he just seemed to retreat right back into that shell he always hid inside when the going got tough.         The good news (thank God, there was some) was he and Trent were back on speaking terms again. That took everyone by surprise. I mean, yeah, they fought a lot and, yeah, they never seemed to hold a grudge, but this had been a doozy. They had not had a blowout like that in years. The last time was on the infamous Solitude tour of 1984 - and when it went down, they didn’t even look at each other for a week.         In truth, the quick resolution of this conflict had a little to do with actually being sorry and much to do with the circumstances of the fight. While the actions of both parties had been uncalled for, they could easily be explained away. Phoenix had just lost his mom. He was hurt and angry and confused and had been looking for someone to take it all out on. T.J. had simply been defending himself from such a violent verbal assault.         And you know what? He sort of felt guilty for reacting as he had. He shouldn’t have gotten so angry. It had been a very primal reaction. Those words had really stung, especially since he had been so anguished over his best friend’s loss. He had been in such a hurry to get there and support him and he does what? Trent had been incensed, to say the least.         Still, he knew he should not have lost it. And so, he was the first one to extend the olive branch the next morning. He had swallowed his pride and apologized for the things he had said the night before. Phoenix did not return the gesture, although he did graciously accept his apology. Good enough.         Really, Phoenix was glad to have that fight out of the way. He had so much on his mind right now. All he needed was bad blood between him and the only person he trusted enough to let in on how hard this was. His older sister Denise had taken it upon herself to make all the arrangements for Mom’s funeral - something he greatly appreciated. He doubted he could have done it. He didn’t even know if he could go.         Don’t get me wrong. He knew he had to. There was no way he would miss it. It was just going to be so hard. Not only laying to rest the woman who had given him life and seen him through much of it, but also facing the rest of the family. It had been years since he’d seen the majority of them (the only one he actually kept up with was his sister Diana - and he didn’t talk to her very much either.) And, shall we say, relations had never been exactly great.         None of his four siblings seemed to like him very much. They didn’t seem to like each other very much, if you want the truth, but they really didn’t like him. Not that the feeling wasn’t mutual. He’d never had much use for them, anyway. He had just never been able to figure out where all their resentment toward him was stemming from.         After many, many excruciating years of wracking his brain trying to understand why his own siblings hated him so much, Phoenix had just stopped trying. He didn’t need to know. He didn’t need them, anyway. His friends were his true family. They were the ones who had been there for him during this. They were the ones he owed so much to.         Like Steiney. Do you believe that guy? When Kris actually told him what he had done in order to be there, Phoenix was leveled. He knew exactly how hard Tony had worked for that exhibit and how excited he was about it finally coming to be. And he had basically dropped everything in order to be there? That was amazing. And it told Phoenix something major: While you may not have been able to pick your family, you could pick your friends. And he’d picked a great one in that guy.         Phoenix knew he would be okay. All he needed was a little more time. Joel had graciously allotted him two weeks off to mourn, which was both startlingly uncharacteristic and startlingly unnecessary. The longer he likely stayed away from the stage, the harder it would likely be to go back. Phoenix had one of those pristine work ethics. He didn’t like to miss a show at all, for any reason and he certainly didn’t like to miss that many of them.         While he was sure everyone would think he was nuts for that, he knew himself. If he actually stopped moving for more than five minutes, he would completely shut down. He had to keep going to keep it together. He just had to ...         Back on the road, Phoenix’s absence was truly being felt. Not only were the shows suffering (while Mel was a phenomenal performer, there was just no way she could carry a two-and-a-half hour show by herself), life on the bus was worse than it had ever been.         When Frankie returned, he found Serena and Mel fighting like two alley cats and surmised that they had been doing it the entire time he was gone. And you know what else? They hadn’t stopped doing it since. Frankie was honestly about to go homicidal. He couldn’t get any peace, he couldn’t get any sleep, he couldn’t get any time to get his mind together - they were always right behind him, yelling and fussing about something.         And you know what was really awful? They always seemed to follow him around the bus with it. He didn’t know if that was intentional, since they both held him responsible for their conflict, or if it was just some cruel coincidence. All he knew for certain was they always seemed to be tailing him with their angst, their yelling and their insults. And he couldn’t take much more.         From what he understood, Serena had quit. Didn’t that mean she should be going home? Why stay and argue with your boss if you’ve already quit your job and aren’t getting paid for it? Unless, of course, she was only doing so to make him even more miserable than he already had been. In that case, she had more than succeeded.         Things had just been so crazy lately. He couldn’t even distinguish days anymore. They all just seemed to run together - get up, listen to the catfight, listen to the catfight, listen to the catfight, savor a few cigarettes and beg God to make them stop, listen to the catfight, try to work with the band to play more of Mel’s material (he had had to conduct a major cramming session after Phoenix left so she wouldn’t be all alone out there) and listen to still more of the catfight as you attempted to fall asleep. It was basically the same thing every day. Frankie could honestly do it in his sleep - or, at least, he wished he could.         Desperate for some clarity in this maddening time, he had done something he had not done in years - he’d pulled out his Bible. Seemed he never left home without it (he called it a good luck charm) but hadn’t cracked it open in years. Yesterday, he figured he had nothing to lose and opened it for some answers.         What happened next was the last thing he’d bargained for. It was almost supernatural. He just couldn’t explain it. He felt peace for the first time in weeks and had a deep, yearning desire to read more. And more. And more. He ended up staying up well past midnight just reading that Bible, something that looked as though it surprised everybody, none more than himself.         When he awoke the next morning, things were somehow different. He couldn’t put his finger on the exact change right away but realized as he was having his first cigarette of the day that everything was quiet. There was no fussing, there was no yelling, there was no fighting! Oh, my God! He couldn’t believe it.      Their silence had been so unusual Frankie had actually had to go check on them. He found Mel in the bathroom, curling her hair (she seemed to do that a lot) and Serena in her bed, reading some book. Neither looked up at him as he passed and no one said anything but words weren’t needed, here! Oh, my God. He was totally leveled. It was almost a slap in the face. His prayers had been heard. His prayers had been answered.         It was unbelievable. Just amazing. For the first time in years, Frankie really felt something where the heavenlies were concerned - he felt pure and utter gratitude. This was amazing! And he hadn’t seen anything yet ...         Joel never had gotten around to talking to Nina about the Logan indiscretion, but he had no doubt she knew he knew. She was acting very strangely lately, more suspicious - of course, that could have been because he was watching her much more closely now.  He didn’t know.         His mind was occupied elsewhere - like poor Phoenix. He wanted more than anything to attend the funeral, but he just couldn’t break away. So he’d done the next best thing - he’d sent Andy. Those two went way back (Andy was actually the one who had discovered Phoenix so many years ago) and seemed to have a pretty good relationship.         That was the one thing Joel really didn’t like about having so much power - no one tended to like you when you did. He wanted more than anything to be friends with his artists (probably more so than his executives, since they were so much cooler), but none of them wanted anything to do with him outside of JLN.         He guessed he had pretty much done that himself - he wasn’t the easiest guy to work for and he didn’t always act as fairly as he knew he should. They had every right for hating him sometimes - note I said sometimes. When he was trying to atone for that and move past the professional thing, they still weren’t having it. It was almost like they didn’t trust him. And that was something he couldn’t understand.         Case in point: He had called Phoenix last night to see how he was doing, but instead had gotten Kristen. She was her usual bitchy self, saying how he didn’t need to be “bothered” and accusing Joel of calling because he had work for him to do. “His mother just died, for God’s sake!” she had exclaimed. “Why can’t you just give him a break?”         For the record, he had. A rather substantial one. He had not called about work. He had called as a friend. He had called out of concern. Still, tell that to Kristen, who told him to go to hell and hung up on him.         Believe it or not, that stung. Joel had only been trying to reach out. And they had taken his concern and thrown it right back in his face - accompanied by a big loogie.         He didn’t understand all the animosity. He had never really done anything that terrible to them. He had no clue why they seemed to hate him so much. Or why they never wanted to come over for parties anymore (he used to throw at least one a week). Or why they...put it this way: Joel just couldn’t understand why they hated him. And he doubted he ever would. Yeah, business was business but personal was personal! Why couldn’t they see that and differentiate between the two? He would never know ... *****         Although this would probably prove to be one of the most difficult days of Phoenix’s life, it had started out normally enough. Kristen - who was sleeping in there with him since Tony still had her room - woke him up at eight and from there it was on to the shower, the breakfast table and then the closet, to dress for the funeral. It was then that it really hit him: This was really, truly happening. Today was really, truly his mother’s funeral. And he really, truly wasn’t ready to say goodbye.         That, accompanied by the fact that he had been struggling with his tie for ten years and still didn’t have it right, resulted in an almost anguished cry for help: “Kris! Get in here! I need you!”         In the midst of a conversation with Tony about Phoenix’s very well-being, she barely managed an “excuse me” and raced into his room. “What? What is it, babe?”         “I - I can’t do this. I can’t do this,” he admitted, standing.         Was that an long-awaited admission of how he was really feeling or was he simply talking about his tie? Kristen thought it best to ask: “You can’t do what, sweetie?”         Although he felt tempted to answer “any of it,” Phoenix went with the safer answer: “The tie. I can’t do the tie. Help me.”         Her heart sank. She had really thought he was ready to open up. Still, she only smiled and gently untied all the knots he’d put in his necktie, complimenting, “You look nice.”         He sighed. “Thanks. You too.”         “Thank you.” She didn’t really mean the words because she doubted he had. This was the second time in less than a month she’d had to pull this black dress out of her closet. The second time in less than a month she had to don the hat and veil. The second time in less than a month she had to go to a funeral.         Before she could go too far down that road, she stopped herself with a little sensibility: This was also the second time in less than a month that Donnie had to go to a funeral. He was who she should be focusing all her pity on. He had lost his mother. She knew from experience that that was devastating. Instead of worrying over her own stupid little phobias, she should be worrying over helping him get through today, much like he had done for her seven years ago.         Finishing up her handiwork, Kristen smoothed out the creases in his shirt and smiled. “There you go.”         “Thanks. I really don’t know what I would do without you.”         “Well, I know for certain you wouldn’t wear ties.”         Forcing himself to laugh, he sat down on the bed. “No. I wouldn’t.”        She knelt down in front of him, preparing to make yet another appeal. Before she could, however, he ran both hands over his face and admitted, “I’m not looking forward to this.”         “I know you’re not, babe.” Looking back, Kristen knew there were so many other things she should have said. More supportive things. More insightful things. Still, she’d said the first thing that came to her mind - then winced in anticipation of his response.         Much to her surprise, he only fell back against the bed and sighed again. “And you know what? It’s not so much the actual funeral itself. I mean, that is gonna be hard, but what I’m really worried about is facing them. I just don’t feel up to facing them today.”         Thrilled that he was finally opening up to her, Kristen rose, to sit down on the bed beside him. She took hold of his hand. “Don’t worry about them.”         “I don’t have a choice but to worry about them, Kris.”         “I don’t see how you figure that. I’m gonna be right there. I’m not gonna let them say anything to you.”         “You can’t protect me," he scoffed. "This is my family. I should be the one who goes in there and - ”         “They are not your family.”         Kristen was actually surprised by how forcefully that had come out. Phoenix appeared to be too, sitting up. “What? What did you say?”         She looked down at the bedspread. “I said, they are not your family. And they aren’t, Donnie. When’s the last time you saw them, huh? I’ll bet you can’t remember. They don’t call you, they don’t come around, they don’t write or anything - they aren’t your family.”         Well, she had a good point, there. If family was defined by actually loving and caring about each other, then his disturbed siblings were most definitely not family. Sighing, he raised a hand to his face and began again. “That is a very valid argument - but it’s beside the point.”         “No, I really don’t think it is.”         “I do. Listen to me. Regardless of how much time we actually spend together as a family, that doesn’t change the fact that we are. We’re blood. We all came out of the same...”         Slowly, she nodded, reaching out to place a hand on his face. “I know that, babe. I know that. But this blood you’re talking about treats you like dirt. They aren’t worthy of your time. They aren’t worthy of anything. All they are is - ”         “God, what the hell are we talking about, here?” he asked, obviously exasperated. “The subject seems to jump around a lot. I’m lost.”         “You don’t have to worry about today, Donnie. You’re gonna be fine. They’re not gonna say anything.”         “You don’t know that, Kristen,” he whispered.         “Yes I do. Trust me. You don’t need to be worried about them. All you need to worry about is yourself and how you’re gonna get through this today. I love you so much, babe. I would do anything for you. You mean everything to me.”         He nodded. “I know. I know.”         “And everything’s gonna be fine.”         “I hope.” ...         Since Kristen was still counseling Phoenix when the doorbell rang, Tony had to get it. And he has to say he was surprised. Much like he’d promised, Mikey had indeed come.         “How is he?” Micah asked, almost out of breath. This had been one long trip - and the whole time he’d been praying they’d make it on time. And while he had no clue what time it was here, it looked like they had just barely made it.         “I can’t believe you’re here!” Tony actually seemed happy. Micah stared at him blankly. This was far too solemn of an occasion to rejoice in his arrival. What about Phoenix? Tony did not seem concerned about him in the least. “Where are Patsy and Jenny?”         Although massively frustrated, Micah answered his question. “At the inn.”         “The one just down the road?”         “Yes, Tony. Yes.”         “Killer. That’s where T.J. and Cecily are staying, too.”         “Well, that’s wonderful. Maybe we’ll run into each other. You know, this is really beside the point. I asked you how Phoenix is doing.”         “He’s okay,” Tony responded slowly, holding the door so his best mate could come in. “He’s been sort of in his own little world since he got home. Kris has been trying to reach him, but he’s not talking to her.”         Micah nodded. “I went through a period of withdrawal, too.” He was referring to the time two and a half years ago when he’d lost his mother, mighty Mullen matriarch Rose.         Tony agreed. “Yeah. And that is typical Phoenix behavior, anyway. He always shuts down when something like this happens. So I keep telling her that it’s natural. She keeps telling me that it’s not. I don’t know who’s right. I don’t know.”         “I really can’t say, either,” Micah said with a sigh, sitting down on the sofa. “So you’ve been staying here?”         “Yeah. Unlike some people, I don’t have enough cash to stay at a hotel,” Tony teased, taking a seat himself.         “Weren’t you staying at some posh New York one last week?”         “Yeah, well, that was last week. This week, I’m completely broke.”         “Completely?” Micah seemed appalled.         “Not completely,” Tony clarified. “But close.”         The offer was automatic. Tony had known it was coming. “Do you want me to spot you?”         Immediately, he refused. “No.”         “Don’t be too proud. I’m offering.”         “It’s not about pride," Tony clarified. "It’s about necessity. Any time I really needed it, I wouldn’t be proud about taking anything from you. I just don’t now. It’s good to know that I can come to you when I do, though.”         Micah looked rather skeptical, but did nod. “If you’re sure.”         “I am. Thank you.”         “Yeah. No problem.” ... *****         The phone had been ringing off the hook all morning, a plethora of acquaintances calling to offer condolences and best wishes for today. Among them were Joel, Andy and Frankie. Mel had even gotten on the phone and told Phoenix how sorry she was and that her prayers were with him. Do you believe that? He couldn’t. It was unreal.         While the service wasn’t scheduled to commence until noon, Phoenix and Kristen arrived at the Catholic parish his mother had attended faithfully at eleven-thirty. The whole way there, he silently struggled to gather his thoughts. She, meanwhile, only stared out the window and did much the same thing. The only words spoken were at a stop sign three-fourths of the way there. “I hope he doesn’t come.”         She looked over at him. She didn’t even have to ask which “he” he meant. That was quite obvious. He was referring to his oldest brother Dennis. Dennis, the unemployed, racist, thrice-divorced loser. Dennis, who had never done anything but berate and discourage Donnie from the very day he was born. Dennis, who had once even tried to drown Donnie when he was a year old. That “he.”         “I hope he doesn’t come either, babe,” Kristen had agreed, looking back out the window. She really didn’t.         When they got there, the sanctuary was quiet. Family had already begun to gather, but thankfully, as of yet, Dennis had not shown. Interestingly enough, neither had Denise, his twin sister and the very one who had made all of today’s arrangements.         Diana was already here, along with her husband Bruce and two adopted daughters, Anissa and Rachel - the niece for whom Phoenix wrote “Do You Hear Me?” She had been leaning down, consoling her daughters when she saw him and Kristen walk in. She came running over.         “Oh, Donnie, you came!” She almost sounded surprised, throwing her arms around him. She had always been the only one of his siblings that ever actually attempted to forge any sort of relationship with him. In other words, she was the only one who didn’t seem to hate him. That meant a lot.         “Of course I came. Why wouldn’t I?” he whispered in her ear as they embraced.         “I heard you were on tour. I didn’t think you could get off,” she justified, pulling back and smiling a proud smile at him. “Look at you! My, my, you look great. I can see why all those girls swoon over you! You look wonderful. Take those sunglasses off, Hollywood! I want to see your eyes.”         He complied with her request, trying his absolute hardest to smile. He knew she meant well, but somehow, thinking about his own overblown heartthrob image on a day like today almost felt sacrilegious. Today was not about him. Today was about Mom.  It was all about Mom.         Diana’s breath caught. “You have her eyes,” she whispered. “I never noticed it before, but you do. You have Mom’s eyes.” Immediately, he turned his gaze down to the floor and nodded. Kristen took hold of his hand and squeezed it tightly. Diana gently lifted his head. “That’s not a crime, you know.”         He nodded again. “I know.”         “How’ve you been holding up, baby?” she asked, reaching out to him.         “Um, I’ve been okay,” he said slowly, taking in a sigh. “I’ve been okay.”         “It hasn’t really hit me yet,” Diana confessed. “The girls are inconsolable. I guess I’m keeping it together for their sake.”         “So where’s Denise? Isn’t she coming?” he asked, purposely changing the subject. He really didn't want her to get to that place if she hadn't been there yet. He wouldn't wish the emptiness and despair he felt right now on his worst enemy, let alone his favorite sister.         “I really don’t know,” she admitted.         “You don’t know?”         “I haven’t talked to her.”         Surprise, surprise, surprise.         “What about Daniel?” he asked.         “He’s here.” Diana spun around the room looking for him. “Bruce and I brought him, so I know he’s here, but he disappeared.”         “That’s okay. He’ll turn up.” Phoenix was really in no hurry to see Daniel, anyway. They’d never really related well. See, Daniel had been deprived of oxygen (or something) during delivery, which caused some brain damage. That meant that all of his life, he had been “special” - Mom’s word meaning “slow.”         However, that was not Phoenix’s reason for disliking him. Simply put, the guy was too damn needy. If he got your phone number, he would call you every night and stay on the phone for hours, just because he wanted to talk. And Phoenix just didn’t have the time for that.         “And Dennis,” Diana began, shaking her head, “I don’t know about Dennis. I tried calling him but his phone’s been disconnected.”         Phoenix sincerely hoped that was not a subtle hint to lend a hand to his brother, who had fallen on some considerable hard times.         Fortunately, Daniel popped up out of nowhere to divert his attention. “Hey!” he greeted happily. “You’re here! Hey!”         Again, Phoenix forced himself to smile. “Hey, Danny. How are you?”         “I’m doing great!” Daniel enthused.         “Tell him about your new job,” Diana prompted.         Daniel beamed. “I got a new job!”         It took all Phoenix had to act even remotely impressed. “Wow. That’s great. Do you like it?”         “I like it a lot!”         “Well, good. That's great.”         “How are you?” Daniel enthusiastically pulled him into an embrace.         Oh, yeah. Another reason Phoenix didn’t like him - he was too damn touchy.         “I’m doing fine,” he insisted, pulling back.         “I got your new album,” Daniel reported. “I like it a lot. It’s real good.”         “Thank you.”         “Do you still have that cat?”         “Yeah. Yeah. I do.”         “Hi, Kristen!” Daniel greeted, reaching out to hug her too.         She reacted to the embrace much better than Phoenix had. “Hey, Danny. How are you, babe? You look good.”         “So do you,” Daniel said, beginning to blush. His crush on her was not exactly discreet. Still, she didn’t mind it. At least he was friendly. That was more than she could say for the others. Diana hadn’t even spoken to her. Snotty bitch.         Phoenix took advantage of her keeping Daniel occupied and went over to see about Diana’s girls. He congratulated them on all their various accomplishments and caught up with them about how things were going - they loved touring stories - as some more of the guests arrived.         Among those were his friends. Since Tony had gotten a bit of a late start - he slept through Kristen’s alarm - he shared a cab with Micah. Patsy and Jennafer arrived in a separate cab shortly thereafter.         Andy - JLN’s goodwill ambassador, if you will - got there with Stacey and Dinah at a quarter till. He had immediately gone up to offer the family his condolences - and Dinah had divebombed her favorite playmate. Seemed Phoenix was the only one who could stand to be in the same room with that little girl - and, despite how somber this occasion was supposed to be, he greeted her warmly.         There was still no sign of T.J. and Cecily, though. That was weird. They were never usually late people. Oh, well. Phoenix had other things on his mind, like the child in his lap. Dinah had grown leaps and bounds since he’d last seen her. My God, she was like a weed! And she was talking up a storm now! It was unbelievable!         He was actually telling Dinah where he’d been all this time - she had asked - when he heard the voice from behind him: “Well, well, well, well, well. I’ll be damned. Look who decided to show up, everybody - it’s my brother the rock star.”         Dennis. He’d know that obnoxious, patronizing voice anywhere. Dennis was here.         “Hey, what’s the matter?” Dennis asked, sitting in the pew behind his. “Too rich to talk to me now? Is that it?”         Tensing, Phoenix closed his eyes and vowed to be civil. “No. Of course I’m not too rich to talk to you. How are you, Dennis?” he asked, turning around in the pew, Dinah still in his lap. She seemed enthralled by the stranger.         “Cute kid,” Dennis observed. “I know she’s not yours, though. Don’t try to fool me.”         So much for civil. “What?”         “Don’t try to fool me into thinking you’re straight like you tried to do Mom,” Dennis demanded. Both Anissa and Rachel - still sitting there with Phoenix - had turned to stare. He was at it again. Here. My God.         Dennis suddenly noticed his nieces and turned into a completely different person. “Hey, girls! Wow! Look at how much you’ve grown! Stand up. Let me see you. It’s been a while.”         Anissa and Rachel stood up, all right - to get away from him. Phoenix watched them go, vainly hoping he could follow them. However, he knew Dennis would never let him get away with a hasty retreat.         “So who’s the kid, Don?” Dennis asked, standing. “No, wait. Let me guess. She belongs to one of your famous friends. I saw all of them when I came in. You know, that’s disgusting. It’s just like you to bring them. Anything to draw attention to yourself, am I right?”         Phoenix stood too. He had to stay calm for Dinah’s sake, but he wanted more than anything to reach out and break Dennis’ neck. “That is not true,” he hissed, picking the little girl up and letting her ride on his hip.         “Sure it’s not,” Dennis chided.         Trent and Cecily arrived at five till noon - they’d had a slight problem getting a taxi - and the first thing he saw when he entered the sanctuary was Phoenix, embroiled in yet another battle with Dennis. Here. At Miss Doreen’s funeral. God, didn’t Dennis have any respect?         Before he could even think twice about it, T.J. headed over to lend support. Dennis’ eyes brightened when he saw him. “Hey, there, kiddo. What’d you learn in school today?”         “You know, I can’t believe you!” Trent exclaimed. “Don’t you have any respect for your mom at all? My God, this is her funeral.”         Dennis didn’t blink. “Is that what you learned? Well, that’s great.”         “Don’t patronize me,” T.J. snarled.         “Patronize?” Dennis questioned. “Now that’s a pretty big word. Here’s another - private. Say it with me - pry-vit. Good job! This is a private matter, boy. Go away.”         “You need to sit your ass down before you make yourself look even worse than you already have.” Trent was saying everything Phoenix wished he could say - everything he would say if a young, impressionable child were not glued to his hip right now.         Dennis looked over at his brother. “Well,” he said smiling. “He’s not exactly Cade Morrow, but I see you brought yourself a bodyguard.”         “You wanna see how Cade Morrow I can be?” T.J. asked, getting right in Dennis’ face.         He actually laughed. “Now that’s intimidating! I think I just pissed my pants! No, seriously, you know what you remind me of? One of those little yap-yap dogs that never shuts up. You know what I’m talking about? Those little dogs that run up and nip your heels and go, ‘yap, yap, yap, yap, yap.’ The kind you kill for sport. Those kind.”         At that moment, the silence was profound. Trent stared angrily at Dennis, Dennis stared angrily at Trent, Phoenix stared helplessly at both. He had no clue what to say.         Dennis finally spoke. “Why don’t you do us all a favor, Junior, and take your little negro wife over there to sit down, m'kay?”         That did it. T.J. went nuts. Phoenix finally reacted, setting Dinah down and pulling his friend back. “Don’t, man. Don’t. Come on. Come on.”         Trent glared angrily back at him, so much as saying, didn’t you just hear what he said about my wife? Yeah. Phoenix had. But he also knew that Dennis had been saying it solely for a reaction - and that T.J. couldn’t give him one.         “Don’t do this. Come on. Come on,” Phoenix persisted. “This is my mom’s funeral, man. Come on.”         That seemed to work. T.J. gave Dennis an evil look - which Dennis all-too-gladly returned - and went to join Cecily. Phoenix stared hard at his brother. “Why did you do that?”         “He had it coming. He should have minded his own damn business,” Dennis replied. “And you know what was funny? You didn’t say two words the entire time! That shows me how much of a coward you truly are. You need a five year old to do all your fighting for you. That is sad, you know that?”         “I am not a coward!”         “You just keep telling yourself that, Don.”         With that, Dennis headed over to see Daniel. Phoenix picked Dinah back up and looked around the room. Thankfully, that spectacle had failed to gain anyone else’s attention. That was at least one good thing.         The bad thing? Phoenix knew that wasn’t it. Dennis wasn’t done. By a long shot ...           *****         The service had continued on schedule at noon. It was really quite lovely. Everyone had had such nice things to say. And Dennis hadn’t tried anything else. That was excellent. He’d stayed with Daniel in the front of the church while Phoenix and Kristen sat with Diana, Bruce and the girls across the room. That had been a conscious decision. Once again, the family had been divided. At Mom’s funeral. Next stop - Donahue.         Oh, and Denise never had shown up. Do you believe that? She skipped her mother’s funeral. Diana had actually been big enough to put whatever disagreement they had behind her and call Denise to see if she was all right. Instead, she got Anna, Denise’s oldest daughter, who sadly informed that they would not be attending today’s service.         Specifically, she said, “Mom doesn’t want to go and she won’t let any of us. I’m sorry.”         Diana and Phoenix had discussed that thoroughly before the service. Neither could seem to make any sense of it. They had so many questions, like why the hell Denise didn’t want to come. What was wrong with her? After she’d gone through all that trouble to make all the arrangements, she was not even gonna bother to come - and she was gonna forbid any of her five children from going, either? Where was the sense in that? What was her problem?         If time had not been so limited, Phoenix would have gone over there to find out - and bring her kids. No matter what he thought of his sister personally, Anna, Josh, Shelley, Heather and Terri were not to blame. And they shouldn’t have to miss their grandmother’s funeral. That was just wrong. He couldn’t get over it. As long as he lived, he would never understand Denise’s reasoning behind this. And he couldn’t easily forgive it, either. Those poor kids. God, those poor kids.         They’d been through far too much lately. First, their dad died last November, then their mom took up with some guy she met in therapy and moved him in - not even six months after Stuart’s funeral - and now they’d lost their beloved grandmother and couldn’t even say a proper goodbye. That was so unfair. It was just so unfair.         Thankfully, he’d had so many other things on his mind - if he’d had adequate time to really stew over it (especially given how angry that earlier altercation with Dennis had made him), Phoenix knew he’d probably go berserk. He’d go over there and beat down her door and grab her by the hair and refuse to leave until she gave him a decent explanation. And he just couldn’t do that. It wasn’t going to solve anything. It wasn’t going to change anything. All it was likely to do was get him arrested. And that was the last thing he needed.         As had been suggested by the priest, Miss Doreen’s children had taken the podium, one by one, and eulogized their mother. Dennis, as the oldest in attendance (AWOL Denise was four minutes older than him) was up first. He had made scant reference to his missing-in-action twin but mainly kept it about himself and his own relationship with the deceased. Believe it or not, his words were poignant and sincere - he’d actually started crying while recalling a time that he had let her down.         “I did that a lot,” he said, through some pretty heavy tears. “And you know what? She always forgave me. I don’t know why, but she forgave me. She was the only one in the world who never judged me and loved me in spite of everything. I am gonna miss her so much.”         In all honesty, listening to his stirring tribute (and heartfelt apology to the casket for so many years of sleepless nights), Phoenix actually felt bad for him. Everything he’d said up there was true. He had given her hell. And she had always forgiven him. No one else would ever be that accepting of his bad behavior and he seemed to know it, too.         Diana had gone up next. Her speech was along the same lines - although she had little to feel guilty for; she’d always been the perfect one - complete with the same heavy tears. She said that her mother was her best friend and that she only hoped she could share that same closeness with her own daughters. She also revealed something that brought Phoenix to tears - Mom died with a smile on her face.         He didn’t know quite why, but that one hit him hard. It was just so Mom. She had definitely faced her share of hardships, but never once had she let any of them get her down. The fact that she was at peace with her own mortality - and even seemed to know that a better place awaited her - hit him right between the eyes. It was just like her. God, he wished he could be like that.         Daniel was up next, delivering a brief, placid tribute to his “Mommy.” He said that she had always taken such great care of him and that he had tried to take care of her like that, too. He also looked over at the coffin and blew a kiss. That had the entire place in tears.         Youngest and last up, Phoenix had no clue what to say. He’d honestly been cornered about this at the last minute - he’d previously had no plans to take the stage - and thus, had absolutely nothing prepared. And besides, everything that had been on his heart had pretty much already been said by the three that had gone before.         Still, he made the most of his time, choosing to concentrate on Mom’s fighting spirit. He was the only one to actually laugh at the podium, recalling how she had once threatened to scald a repo man who had come for her car.         “She had this guy running,” he said, laughing through his tears. “And he was scared, ya know? He was like, ‘My God, this woman’s insane!’ But you know what? He didn’t get her car that day. Or the day after that.”         Comments had also been made by old friends and former co-workers, continuing in the lighter vein. That was good. Although he knew that the grief had its place, Phoenix was also sure that Mom would not want everybody sobbing and carrying on during her funeral. That wasn’t the kind of person she was. At all.         Do you know that he had never, during the entire course of his life, even seen her cry? Never. That was not to say that she didn’t - she had to have - but she’d never showed him, or any of the other kids, that side of her. To them, she was Mighty Mama. She could handle anything that came her way, no matter how big.         More hilarious “Mom takes on the world” anecdotes abounded in the motorcade to the cemetery, like the many times she had chased their long lost father around the house with a machete for allegedly cheating. Or the time she had waged a vicious battle with the school board on Daniel’s behalf, since he’d been called “unteachable.” Or even the time she had taken it upon herself to dispose of one of Diana’s more undesirable suitors, literally chasing the boy back home screaming like a maniac and wielding a butcher knife.         At the graveside, however, all became serious. The gathering was small, at the family’s request. Only the children and their families were permitted to come, and the ceremony was brief. The entire time, though, Dennis had done nothing but stare daggers at Phoenix. That meant that he was not done. He was, at that very moment, plotting his next attack.         The very thought was sickening. Didn’t he have anything better to do? Didn’t he have any more respect for Mom than that? What about everything he’d said up there earlier? Didn’t he mean it? ’Cause if he had - and he truly was sorry for letting her down so many times - how did he think this would make her feel? He was using her funeral as a platform to once again antagonize his youngest brother - something she had never allowed in her presence. God. Couldn’t he just let it go for one day?         Apparently not, because he started in the minute he got to the wake, which was held in Mom’s own house. Sauntering over to Phoenix, who had retreated off to the den anticipating an attack, he looked almost righteously indignant.         “I cannot believe the shit you said up there,” he began, almost snarling. “What the hell did the repo man have to do with anything? My God, what were you trying to do? No. No. You know what? I think I know what you were trying to do. Tell me if I’m right. You were making it the Phoenix Reeves forum. You had the microphone, so you were going to use it. I’m surprised you didn’t try to plug your album.”         That did it. Kristen, who had been matching him, glower for glower, all day, stood up and got right in his face. “Who the hell do you think you are?”         Dennis was nauseatingly cool. “I was not talking to you, Kristy.”         “Don’t ‘Kristy’ me, you jackass! Don’t you dare come over here and - ”         He finished her sentence for her. “Don’t you dare come over here and confront my beloved Donnie on his petty self-promotion.”         Phoenix finally found his voice, standing and gently pulling Kristen back. “Once again, you’re not thinking, Dennis. If I was promoting myself, don’t you think I would have made it all about me? What did I say about me, huh? Come on. What did I say about me?”         “Everything was about you, Don. From the very day you were born. Our entire lives were ruined because of you. You know you’re why Dad left. And you know, I don’t blame him. If I’d had a choice, I would have left too. That way, I never would have been stuck supporting a spoiled, self-centered brat like you.”         The gloves were off. “You never supported me!” Phoenix declared angrily. “Not financially, not physically and sure as hell not emotionally. You tried to kill me, for God’s sake! Do you remember that?”         Dennis nodded, smiling smugly. “Yeah. Actually, I do. And it was one of the best days of my life.”         In other words, “I’d do it again.”         Phoenix completely lost it, grabbing Dennis by the collar and jerking him forward. “You don’t even need to be here,” he snarled.         Dennis broke free and stared back at him, undaunted. “Neither do you. And neither does your little lesbo friend over there. Yeah, I mean you, Kristy. It took a while for me to figure out, but I know your secret. I actually don’t know why it didn’t dawn on me sooner. You people usually hang in packs.”         If Kristen had her way, that would have been the last thing Dennis ever said. She was ready to rip his throat out. However, Phoenix again pulled her back and again grabbed his brother by the collar. “You leave her alone.”         “Oh, what are you gonna do? You need a midget idiot to fight for you - not to mention the Dyke in Spikes. Nice hat, by the way, Kristy. I love how it covers your face.”         “I said leave her alone.” The words were slow and almost whispered, but they were spoken with a forceful tug on Dennis’ shirt. “If you say one more word to her, I swear to God you’ll regret it.”         Believe it or not, Dennis actually backed off. “Fine. Fine,” he said, again pulling free. “My real issue is with you anyway.”         “Phoenix? Man, what’s going on?” Tony asked cautiously, entering the den. He was having some major trouble comprehending the scene he’d just stumbled into. From where he stood, it looked like Phoenix was trying to strangle his brother. And Kristen was taking pleasure in it.         Dennis briefly glanced over at him, then back to Phoenix, rolling his eyes. “Great. Another celebrity bodyguard. I see it’s the Christ-killer this time. Wonderful.”         Honestly stunned, Tony stopped in his tracks. While the senseless “the Jews killed Christ” allegations had been circulating for millennia, he himself had never been confronted with them. And he had never been called anything close to a Christ-killer. Thus, his request: “Would you mind repeating that?”         “I was talking to my brother, Jew Boy. Mind your own business.”         Phoenix closed his eyes and stepped back, almost as if giving his brother over to Tony. He knew this one would be big.         In typical Tony fashion, he took the sedate route. He did not forcibly grab Dennis or even raise his voice. All he did was extend a hand. “I want to congratulate you. You have got to be the most ignorant person I have ever met in all my life. Do you know how stupid you sound? And trust me, I don’t use that word lightly. You sound like a misinformed, uneducated idiot. And you know what? You’re proving yourself to be the world’s biggest hypocrite. You never loved your mother and you never respected her, either. If you had, you wouldn’t be showing your ass like this.”         “You don’t know anything about how I felt about my mother!” Dennis yelled.         Tony didn’t blink. “And you don’t know anything about me. I guess we’re even.”         What a placid, intelligent, effective tactic. Dennis did not say another word, only retreating back into the living room, where the majority of the guests were. Tony, seemingly unscathed, walked over to Phoenix. “You okay, man?”         “I - I’m sorry,” was all he could say.         “Why? For what?”         Phoenix couldn’t believe he’d ask. “For what he said to you. Those terrible things he called you. I’m so sorry, Steiney.”         “Hey, you don’t need to apologize. He was the one who said it, not you.”         “Still - ”         “It’s cool,” Tony insisted, hugging him. “It’s cool.”         “He does this all the time. He just never usually drags anybody else into it. I’m sorry.”         “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”         “I don’t want you to think - ”         “I don’t think anything. Thinking is a totally foreign concept to me. You know that.”         No one laughed at the joke. All Phoenix did was nod and apologize again. He felt so guilty. Dennis and his prejudiced, anti-gay, anti-Semitic, anti-everybody views. They were gonna get him killed someday ...         *****         The wake continued on for what seemed like forever, even though Dennis kept his distance after that encounter with Tony. Phoenix eventually did come out of the den to mingle with everyone and graciously accept all of their condolences, as well as field several questions about how his career was going. At least they were not star-struck inquiries. These people were all well aware of what he did for a living, however, they understood that it was only a job.          Thank God, they didn’t do anything idiotic like follow him around and pathetically plead for an autograph. Or, even worse, take a picture of him every time he moved. That was what Daniel had done.         Not with his own brother, but with all of his guests. He had hounded T.J., Tony and Micah all day, following them everywhere - and I mean everywhere - and being the annoying pain in the ass that he was. As an added bonus, he’d also tortured the mourners with his prized possession - his brother’s latest album.         Oh, it was horrible. Through My Eyes was blaring from Mom’s old tape player at a deafening volume, making normal conversation impossible and driving several to leave. Phoenix had never been so humiliated in all his life. He could tell just by the looks on everyone’s faces that they thought he had done this - that he would be conceited enough to play his own album at his mother’s wake. Well, he was about to put that one to rest, no pun intended.         Stalking over to where Daniel was jamming to the latest single, “Kristen Nicole,” he grabbed him by the shoulders and forced him to turn around. “Danny!” he yelled, over his own voice on the tape.         “Huh?” Daniel responded, smiling.         Phoenix took it upon himself to not only stop the tape, but also take it out of the player. “There. That was all I wanted.”         Of course, Daniel protested. “Give me that back! I like that tape! Don’t you? I mean, you ought to!”         “I cannot believe the way you’re acting. First, you stalk my friends. Poor Tony’s still trying to catch his breath. You followed him into the men’s room! You don’t do that. Then, you blast my tape so loud no one can hear themselves think. Yeah, of course I like it but you are torturing everyone with it. Why are you acting so juvenile? God, for once in your life, act your age, would you? Please. My God, this is serious. This is serious, Danny.”         “I know it’s serious, Don. I know.”         “You’re not acting like you know! Do you understand anything I’m saying? You don’t look like it. Look, this is serious. This is not some party or something. None of these people came to rock out to a Phoenix Reeves tape. They’re here because today was Mom’s funeral. Do you remember that? Do you understand?”         Daniel nodded, seeming hurt. “I understand that, Don. I do. But I’m handling my grief my way. You handle your grief your way.”         “Where the hell did you get that from? I know you didn’t come up with it yourself.”         “I know this is serious. I know why everybody’s here. I know Mommy’s dead.”         “Then straighten the fuck up. And don’t put this thing on again or I swear to God I will break it. Do you hear me? I’ll break the fucking thing.” With that, Phoenix handed the tape back to Daniel, who seemed glad to get it.         Within five minutes, it was blaring again - on the other side. That guy was impossible. Phoenix wanted to kill him.         And he wasn’t the only one. The lethal combination of sleep deprivation  and that resounding cassette had evoked a terrible headache and Tony had run outside to nurse it. Stepping out into the driveway, he found Micah doing much the same thing.         “Let me guess,” Tony surmised. “You just couldn’t take the noise.”         Micah laughed, looking down at his shoes. “I hope that tape breaks.”         “So do I, man. So do I.”         “Is your head pounding too?”         “Oh, no," Tony replied, shaking his head. "Not pounding. It graduated from pounding to thrashing an hour ago. It’s about to explode. I just had to get out of there.”         “I know. So did I.” Micah took to pacing to warm up. It was freezing out there. “What was going on earlier with Phoenix’s brother?”         Tony was pacing too. “Which one? The crazy one or the angry one?”         “I thought they were both crazy.”         “Well, they are. But one has an excuse.”         “Is that the one playing the tape?”         “Yeah.”         Micah laughed. “Well, the other one, then. What was going on earlier with him? He railed at Phoenix quite a bit, I heard.”         Tony nodded. “Yeah. And Kristen and T.J. and me, too.”         Micah stopped pacing. “What’d he say to you?”         “He called me a Christ-killer.” Tony was actually laughing.         Micah didn’t find that funny. “He called you a what?”         “A Christ-killer. And, let me tell you, I think I have officially been called everything now.”         “That...” Micah was clearly incensed. “That was uncalled for.”         “Yeah, well, what are you gonna do? The guy’s not really worth worrying about.”         “Still, Tony - ”         “Mikey, chill. It’s not like I cried over it. You know what? His ignorance is really kinda funny. And I put him in his place, anyway.”         “What did you tell him?”         “There you are.” Patsy Mullen came bounding out of the house. She had a very pained look on her face. “I cannot believe you left me alone in there with that horrible racket! I turned around and you were gone!”         Micah laughed. “Tony kidnapped me.”         Nodding solemnly, Tony corroborated the story. “The only way I was gonna get out of there was with a hostage. Mikey was pretty much in the wrong place at the wrong time.”         Patsy did not seem amused. “I have a splitting headache.”         “Join the club,” Tony advised.         “What is that crazy bloke trying to do?” she asked.         “God, your guess is as good as mine.”         She turned to her husband. “And you’re never going to believe this - Jenna refused to leave. She says she likes it in there!”         Micah didn’t seem surprised. “I thought she might.” He then looked to Tony. “She’s going through that loud music phase.”         He nodded. “Yeah. That’s been going on. I sort of feel guilty.”         “Why?” Micah asked.         Tony looked down at the ground. “I’m kinda the one who started her on it,” he admitted slowly.         “Oh, Tony,” Patsy groaned.         Looking up, he justified, “Hey, she would have discovered it anyway. I just sort of helped her out a little.”         “And what are you doing listening to loud music?” she asked, as any parent might.         “I just think it sounds better that way, okay? Is that a crime?”         “In some countries,” Micah said laughing. “At least I know who to blame now. How would you like a houseguest till that whole craze blows over?”         “I would love one,” Tony emphasized. “Send her over. Anytime. The house is way too empty. It’s driving me nuts.”         “Have you heard anything from Kathy lately?” Patsy asked.         He shook his head. “Are you kidding me? I’ve tried and tried but she won’t return any of my calls.”         “Oh, I’m sorry,” she apologized, looking down at the pavement.         “It’s okay. It’s okay. I understand. She’s still pretty pissed. She always took a long time to get over things.”         “How long has it been?” Micah asked.         “Four months, two weeks and four days.” Tony forced himself to laugh. “Am I that lonely? I’m counting the days now? I need to get a dog or something, don’t I?”         “Do you miss her?”         “Oh, God, I miss her. Some days are easier than others. This one is just hard. It’s our anniversary.”         Neither Patsy nor Micah knew what to say to that. All they did was look at each other, then back at Tony. He nodded. “Yeah. Thirteen years. I called her this morning. I don’t know what I was thinking doing that. I knew she probably wouldn’t want to talk to me, but I called her anyway.”         “And?” Micah prodded, moving closer.         “Machine. That’s all I ever get. I think she’s screening the calls. She used to do that a lot. She would let the machine get it and determine who she wanted to talk to - and obviously, she doesn’t want to talk to me.” Suspecting a huge dose of sympathy was coming, Tony quickly launched into a story, hoping to advert it. “Oh, man, I used to get in so much trouble because I would answer the phone when she was trying to screen. There was this one time she was hiding from her mother - they had some fight or something - and I answered the phone and was like, innocently, ‘Hey, Kath, it’s your mom.’ She was so mad at me! It was really funny.”         Micah and Patsy didn’t seem to see the humor, only staring back at him in concern.         “Please don’t look at me like that,” Tony pleaded. “It’s really unnerving.”         “Are you doing okay, mate?” Micah asked.         “I’m fine,” Tony insisted immediately.         “I just thought - ”         “You know what? I admit it. I’m not fine. I’m freezing. My fingers are turning blue. I’m serious. Look.” Tony pulled his hand out of his pocket to prove his point.         “Do you want to go back in, then?” Patsy proposed, knowing full well what the answer to that would be.         “Oh, God, no!” Tony said laughing. “I would much rather freeze than listen to Phoenix - and please, please don’t tell him I said that. I would never hear the end of it if you did.”         “I won’t tell, I promise,” Micah swore, symbolically crossing his heart.         “You’re not crossing your fingers, are you?” Tony demanded. “Let me see your other hand!”         Hiding it behind his back, Micah shook his head and laughed. “No.”         Tony laughed too. Mikey truly was his best friend in the world - he’d certainly proven himself to be the truest. Everything had gone down on the Nothin’s Gonna Stop Me! tour of late 1985. That was when it had all really started unravelling...well, it had been unraveling for some time, but that was when things really got bad. Kathy had always been very vocal about how much she hated his having to leave all the time, but when time came for the Nothin’s Gonna Stop Me! tour, she literally forbade Tony to leave. She said, and I quote, “If you walk out that door, I don’t want you to ever come back.”         That was when the bottom fell out. In order to accommodate her - and hopefully save what was left of their marriage - Tony made the hardest decision of his life. He called Joel and told him he wanted out. As soon as possible. He wanted the ironically named Nothin’s Gonna Stop Me! tour to be his last. And he got his wish. Unfortunately, for Kathy, that was too little, too late. Despite his ultimate sacrifice, she still filed for divorce before he got home in November.         That had been the hardest time in his life, no question. And Mikey had been right there all the way through it. Endless nights on the road, Tony would pour his heart out to him and never once did the guy freak. He only listened and offered advice - most of which was pray.  And he never told another soul of those conversations, not even Patsy. That was huge. Huge.         “That Danny guy is really freaking me out,” Tony confessed, blowing on his hands to hopefully get some of the circulation back. “He followed me into the men’s room. Do you believe that?”         Micah nodded. “Yes. Actually, I do.”         “Oh, and that’s not the worst part. Patsy, you may want to cover your little womanly ears. I hate those wall urinals because I don’t like pissing in front of other people, you know? So I’m in the stall and that guy somehow got the door open!”         Micah’s mouth hung open in both astonishment and pure amusement. “That...”         “You can go ahead and laugh,” Tony encouraged. “It’s pretty funny in hindsight. I tell you, I don’t think I have ever been so startled. I mean, here I am, minding my own business, doing my business and he gets pictures of my ass. I should sue.”         “Well, he’s been following me around all day, showing me pictures of the dog he says he named after me.”         “Did he follow you to the bathroom?”         Micah laughed. “No. Not yet, at least.”         “Ha! I win.”         “It’s not a competition, Tony.”         “Everything’s a competition with me, Mikey. You know that. So he named a dog after you?”         Micah laughed. “Dubious honor, I know. And he has more pictures of that dog than I have of me own daughter.”         “You know, it wouldn’t take much for that guy to be a stalker. He’s got all the right qualities.”         “I tried to dodge him, but he found me every time.” Micah could not contain a shudder.         “The bastard’s got radar, doesn’t he?” Tony paused, laughing. "I don’t think he means any harm, though. He could have killed me in the restroom. I was totally defenseless. I think he just wants to be friends. He just has a weird way of showing it.”         “Do you think he’s trying to impress us?”         “That could be. All I know is I’m not going back in there anytime soon. I don’t care if all my fingers fall off. I would rather go through life without any fingers than completely deaf.”         Micah agreed. “So would I.” ... *****                It wasn’t until maybe nine o’clock when Phoenix and Kristen finally got home. This had been a long, excruciating day. Part of him was really relieved that it was all finally over, however, the other part was absolutely devastated that it was. This was it - the final act. Mom was gone. For good.         Kristen had, surprisingly enough, given him plenty of space all day. He had thought - especially in how she was after Dan died last month - that she would be glued to him, refusing to leave, insisting that he open up and tell her what was going through his mind. But nope. She had never gone too far - he would look up from a conversation every now and then and see her watching him - but she had left him alone.         She had also remained silent in the car all the way home. So had he. There was so much he was mentally replaying about the past few days, things he knew he probably should have reconciled within himself but logically knew that he probably never would.         Honest to God, he really wanted Kristen to say something. Anything. “Are you doing okay, sweetie?” “Do you wanna talk to me about it, babe?” “Dennis is a jackass, isn’t he?” Anything. And she hadn’t said a word.         When they got in, Tony was on the couch, waiting for them. He reported that somebody named Greg from Top 20 had called - something about this week’s shoot - and that there had also been a call from some girl named Heather. Denise’s daughter. What was this about?         Deducing that Greg Abbott, his co-executive producer on the video show, could wait, Phoenix went into his bedroom to call his niece. He just hoped he wasn’t calling too late.         Heather picked up her own private telephone - all the Ashby offspring had one; it was next-to-impossible to keep all the numbers straight - on only the first ring. “Uncle Don, is that you?”         Her voice had changed so much Phoenix hadn’t recognized it at first. She sounded so much older, so much more mature. How old was she now, twelve? Twelve or thirteen.         “Yeah, it’s me. Heather? Hey. How are you? It’s been a long, long time!”         “Yeah. It has.” She sounded very solemn.         He sat down on the bed and wrestled his tie off with his free hand. Cat quickly claimed it as her own. Very cute. “So what’s up? What’s going on?” he asked.         She sighed. “I was just calling to see how everything went today.”         “Oh.” Of course. The poor kid had missed her grandmother’s funeral. She was calling for a complete synopsis. Phoenix hesitated. “It was...it was nice.”         “We really wanted to come,” Heather swore. “We did. It was just that Mom...” She stopped right there.         Even though he knew he shouldn’t, Phoenix persisted. “She what?”         Again, she sighed. “I don’t know. She just decided this morning that she didn’t want to go. I don’t know why.”         “Did Jake have anything to do with it?” Phoenix’s first instinct was to blame the boyfriend. He didn’t know quite why.         Heather was quick to refute it. “No. No. He actually wanted to go. It was Mom. She just said, ‘We’re not going,’ and that was that.”         “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he apologized.         “So am I. I wish we could have come. I really do. I want to know all about what happened. Tell me everything.”         Although he did not hesitate to oblige her request, Phoenix did have to wonder why she had even called him in the first place. He had never been very close to her - he just didn’t see her enough. The fact that she first of all knew he was home and secondly chose to call him rather than Dennis or Diana was a strange one.         Still, he told her everything. He relayed the entire service for her verbatim. He told her what everyone said at the podium, what everyone said at the gravesite, what everyone said at the wake - the only thing he didn’t tell her was what Dennis had said to him.         Heather seemed satisfied with the story, yet again said she wished she could have come and then hurriedly informed that she needed to get off the phone - Mom was outside.         Five minutes after he hung up, a knock came on the door. “Can I come in? Are you still on the phone?” Kristen asked, cracking it open.         He motioned her in. “No. Come on.”         She slowly entered the room and stopped right in front of him. “What did she want?” she asked quietly, leaning down.         “She wanted to know how the funeral went,” he replied, equally quiet.         “I can’t believe Denise didn’t come.”         “I know."         “Did Heather say why not?”         “She didn’t know. She said it wasn’t Jake, though. That was what I thought it was.”         “I will never understand Denise as long as I live.”         He shook his head. “Neither will I.”         Standing, Kristen went about undressing. Once again, she had sought his advice and once again, Tony had urged her to leave Donnie alone - that he would talk whenever he felt like it. And not a moment sooner. She didn’t need to push him.         “So did you ever get around to finding out what Greg called about?” she asked, turning back to him.         “No. Uh-uh. It’s probably too late to call.”         “Not really. L.A.’s an hour behind us, remember?”         “I’ll call him in the morning,” Phoenix resolved, laying back against the bed.         “Are you sure this isn’t an emergency?”         “If it was, he would have said. You know how Greg handles emergencies.”         She laughed, tugging off her panty hose. If anyone qualified as a drama queen, it was Gregory Abbott.         “I’m too tired to talk to him,” Phoenix said, putting an arm over his face.         Several silent minutes passed. She continued to disrobe while he continued to lie there with his face covered. Heading for the shower, she admonished herself for not saying anything. She really should have.         What the hell did Tony know, anyway? He certainly didn’t know Donnie the way she did! She knew he had to be really hurting - not only from his mom’s death but also those horrible things Dennis had said to him earlier. God, she should have said something. She really should have said something.         The faint sound of a door opening alerted her to her second chance. From behind the shower door, she called, “Donnie?”         His response was a quiet one. “Yeah. It’s me. Don’t freak. It’s me.”         “What is it? Are you okay?”         “I’m fine. I’ve just gotta pee.”         For an instant, she caught herself heeding Tony’s misinformed advice and leaving it at that. Then, springing to her senses, she slid the translucent glass door open.         “Talk to me, sweetie. I know you wanna,” Kristen encouraged, standing before him completely nude.         Nude from the waist down, in the process of urinating, Phoenix only stared back at her. “What?”         “You want to talk to me,” she informed. “And I want to help you. What is it, sweetie? Come on.”         “I - I - ” There was absolutely no use in denying it. She hit the nail on the head. Again.         Turning the water off, Kristen stepped out of the shower and reached out to him. “I know, babe. I know.”         He knew she knew. That was, in fact, what prompted him to pull her toward him and completely lose it.         If such a thing was even possible, his relating the entire day’s events to Heather had somehow managed to intensify the ache of it all. This had been the hardest few days of his life. Everything inside him was tired. Every fiber of his being was in agony. And it was relentless agony at that. Every single time he tried to close his eyes, he kept seeing it. Remnants of today. Scenes from the funeral, the graveside service, the wake - everything. Over and over and over.         Kristen was so calming, gently stroking his back and whispering assurances in his ear. “I love you so much,” she said. “God, I love you, babe. Anything I can do to help you, I’ll do. Just tell me, Donnie. I mean it.”         If his throat weren’t closed by sobs, he would have probably told her that what she was doing right now was perfect. However, all he could do was hold her against him as tightly as possible. And not let go.         They must have stood there for thirty minutes. Or something like that. He really lost track of time. The next clear recollection he had was of her pulling back and gently drying his tears. “Oh, sweetie. Let it out. Let it out,” she whispered, stroking his face. “Let it out.”         “I can’t believe this, Kris,” he confessed, voice distorted by tears. “I just can’t believe this. Where did all this come from?”         “I don’t know, babe. I wish I did.”         “And why the hell did he start in on me? My God, wasn’t today hard enough without him? Why is it that every single fucking time we’re together he has to...God, why?”         “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I don’t know, Donnie. But I’m here for you. I promise you I’m here. I love you so much.”         “I love you too,” he sniffled, hugging her. “More than anything.”         “Oh, babe. Oh, sweetie.” She felt tears sting her own eyes but blinked them back. “I’m always here for you. You know that. You know that no matter what I’m gonna be here.”         “I know,” he affirmed, shaking his head.         “Come on. It’s okay. I’m right here. Come on.” With that, she took to rocking him. He clung to her bare back as tight as he possibly could. He never wanted to let go. Here, he felt safe. Here, he felt loved. Here, it didn’t matter what anyone else said about him. Here, everyone knew the truth.         “Don’t worry about him. He doesn’t matter anyway. Listen to me, Donnie. I mean it. He isn’t important. What he says shouldn’t affect you. He’s just - ”         Phoenix pulled back. “He’s my brother.”         She quickly disputed that. “He’s not - ”         “We went over this this morning. I may not see much of him, but he’s still my brother.”         “And what he says, no matter how ignorant and wrong, still affects you?”         “I - I can’t explain it, Kris. I know I shouldn’t let him get to me. I know. But he...”         “Does.” She finished his sentence for him, again pulling him to her. “He does. Well, listen to me. What he says doesn’t mean anything. He’s nothing to you. He doesn’t support you - ”         “He’s never supported me.”         “No, he hasn’t. And you don’t need to worry about anything he says. Just don’t - ”         He pulled back and nodded, wiping at his face. “I know. I know. Don’t listen to him.”         “All it does is hurt you and I hate to see you hurt. It’s not worth it, Donnie. He’s not worth it.”         “It’s not just him, ya know? He made the whole thing even worse, but...”         “I know,” she assured, again pulling him toward her. Again, he lost it. It seemed like someone had turned a faucet on or something. Once he started, he just couldn’t stop. There was so much that had to come out. There was so much raw emotion there that he had tried to ignore. Thank God Kris was here. He doubted he would have been comfortable exposing this much vulnerability to anyone else, even Trent.         I mean, not only was he sobbing his heart out like this, he was also doing so without any pants on. Eventually, he resolved, this scene would probably be funny. Right now, though, he just didn’t have any laughs in him.         “It’s okay, babe,” Kristen consoled, again rocking him. “It’s gonna be okay.”         God, he hoped so ...           *****         That night, slumber proved to be elusive for Trent. There was just so much going on. He had so much to think about. His mind just refused to shut off.         Weighing the heaviest on his heart was the funeral earlier today. Seeing Miss Doreen’s kids up there at that podium - even rascally Dennis - sobbing over the loss of their mother actually made him cry. Losing your mom had to be one of the hardest things you could ever go through, especially if you were as close to your mom as they had all seemed to be.         T.J. knew how Phoenix had felt about Miss Doreen. He’d never made it a secret. He adored her. And, thus, he was completely devastated. Seeing his best friend in that vulnerable of a position, that heartbroken and that grief-stricken and being unable to do anything about it was something that defied description. He felt powerless. Totally, utterly powerless, much like he had last year after the Jimmy breakup.         At least there was one good thing about this: Phoenix did not appear to be suicidal. When the whole Jimmy thing went down, he had scared Trent out of twenty years with his spooky “What have I got to live for?” musings and the question that sent chills down T.J.’s spine to this very day, “What do you think it feels like to die?”         This time, Phoenix seemed to be in much more control over his grief. While he had sobbed his heart out the night it happened, he’d managed to hold it together during the funeral, a considerable feat in itself. Really, T.J. had his doubts that he could have pulled it off. As it were, he ended up crying throughout the service and he’d barely even known the woman.         It was the tributes that had gotten him. From the fond remembrances of her fiery fight-till-the-end spirit to the heartfelt goodbyes to a dear friend, all the individual testimonies had come together to prove one very poignant point: Miss Doreen had been very well loved. And she would be very much missed.         Something else keeping Trent awake tonight - the things that Dennis had said.         Please don’t misread that. T.J. was not destined to spend the rest of his life in therapy because Dennis had likened him to a yap-yap dog and insinuated that he was nothing more than a child. Truth be known, that didn’t bother him at all. What did, however, was the tirade Dennis had directed at Phoenix - and Phoenix’s reaction to it all.         You have to understand something, here. Miss Doreen may be gone now, but her fiery, fight-till-the-end spirit lived on in her youngest son. Phoenix was the kind of person who would stand there and rail at you for three hours. Three hours. He never started an exchange he didn’t intend to finish and he’d never met an argument he didn’t like. That was why his reaction to Dennis had been so surprising.         He didn’t do anything! All he did was stand there! That was not the Phoenix T.J. knew. So what was so different? What about Dennis evoked such a subdued reaction in Phoenix? What was it about Dennis that caused Phoenix to pretty much freeze in his tracks and allow him to berate him? There was obviously more fear there than Phoenix would ever admit. But where did it all stem from?         Man. Trent could spend the next thirty years mulling it over and he doubted he’d ever be able to make sense of it. He’d come to the conclusion that to truly understand the situation, he would actually have to be in the situation. And he certainly didn’t want to do that.         Let me tell you something - he and Gary may not always see eye-to-eye on everything and they sometimes did go through prolonged periods of not speaking to each other, but T.J. knew that Gary would never attempt to pull a stunt as callous and inhumane as the one Dennis had pulled earlier. He was as certain of it as he was his own name.         And, if by some odd occurrence, Gary did try something like that, T.J. would never just allow him to humiliate him in front of a room full of people. Oh, hell no! He would make every effort possible to defend himself, even resorting to physical violence if necessary. There was no way he’d stand for it. And he was a hell of a lot more tolerant than Phoenix was.         It was about eleven-thirty PM, Bozeman time, when Trent called home to pick up his messages. There were three. One from Gary (speak of the devil), one from Joel (what a surprise) and one from a young boy.         Immediately, T.J.’s heart sped up. There was no doubt in his mind - even before the child identified himself - who he was. That was Ryan. That was his son.         The voice was quiet, somewhat uneasy, but decidedly more mature than he’d expected. His vocabulary was expansive and his focus enviable. This was no average child. That was quite obvious.         “Hello Mr. Johnson,” he began the message slowly. “Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Ryan Keenen. My mother is Tasha. I hope you’re familiar with me. I also hope you don’t mind me calling your house. We were able to get the number and ... I apologize if this makes you uncomfortable. I just really wanted to talk to you. I’m really looking forward to meeting you. Thank you so much for agreeing to it. I have been so curious about you and I really want to see you face-to-face. I’m sorry again if this was bothersome to you. I promise I won’t call again without permission.”         There was a brief pause. Ryan sighed audibly. “Again, I apologize. I wish I could have talked to you directly, but we’ll get that opportunity soon enough. Until then, have a very nice night. I guess I will see you on the fifth. Tell your wife hello for me. I can’t wait to meet her, either. Well, I guess I’ll let you go now. I hope this was not too much of an inconvenience. Goodbye.”         This kid was nine. Nine. Do you believe that? He didn’t sound nine! But you know what? T.J. hadn’t either when he was nine. People had remarked all the time how mature he was for his age - much like he was sure they always did Ryan.         That one hit him right in the gut. Not that he’d really been doubting it, but that message served as proof positive that Ryan was his son. Not only did he look just like him (poor kid), he also spoke like him (something that couldn’t be faked - or at least, faked very easily). It was unbelievable. Words fail. It was just amazing. Absolutely amazing ...         This night was also promising to be a long one for Kristen. It was almost midnight now and she was still awake. At least, though, Donnie was not.         All of that holding it in and trying to be strong had only made the eventual venting all the more worse - he had literally sobbed so hard his whole body shook. It broke her heart. Never before had she ever seen him so upset about something. Never. That was why it was so jarring.         She had done everything she could to calm him down, even though she had no idea what to really say. In some situations, words just seemed to get in the way. Having been here before, she knew exactly what this anguish felt like and knew how irritating someone’s well-meaning consolations could be. So all she did was hold him close to her, whisper that she was there, that she loved him and that what Dennis said didn’t amount to a hill of shit.         Donnie did not seem all that convinced.         God, she could just strangle that bastard! Who the hell did he think he was, saying those things to Donnie? What was his problem? Whatever it was, Kristen would gladly fix it for him - permanently.         It was about eleven when Donnie finally started to calm down. He’d pulled back from her embrace, said that he needed a shower and then headed straight for bed. At his own request, she followed him there, climbing in beside him and again holding him close. It took almost an hour for all of his squirming to stop and for his breathing to get heavy, but once it did, Kristen did a little crying of her own.         Laying there in the dark beside him, she silently let the tears roll down her face and thought out what had happened. This loss had been rather profound for her too - of course, that was in no way meant to diminish the sorrow she knew Donnie had to be feeling, but she was very upset herself.         Miss Doreen had been so good to her. When her own mother died all those years back, Miss Doreen had been the one who had rocked her and held her and assured that it would be okay - and from that moment on, she had acted as a surrogate mom.         She was the one that Kristen had proudly reported all her various accomplishments to. She was the one Kristen had sent Mother’s Day cards and flowers to. She was the one who Kristen faithfully turned to for advice. And now she was gone. It was just like losing her own mother all over again, only maybe a little intensified this time because she knew there was no one to take over this time. She was on her own. God, that stung.         As much as she might try to hide - and deny - it, Kristen was definitely a girl who needed a mom. She just wasn’t strong enough to face this world without one. The ache on the inside of her was excruciating. She actually had to get out of bed and head for the bathroom again because the sobs had grown increasingly harder and she didn’t want to disturb Donnie. He had enough to deal with on his own. He certainly didn’t need to try to shoulder her problems, too.         She had not been in there very long when the doorknob turned. Too late, she remembered that she had not locked the door.         A wave of panic hit. Oh, my God! Donnie couldn’t see her like this! She was basically the thing keeping him afloat right now. If she broke, he would shatter.         Kristen quickly wiped at her eyes as the door opened. Tony, looking way more than half-asleep, stumbled in, coming face-to-face with her. “I’m sorry,” he apologized immediately. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were in here.”         “It’s okay,” she assured, reaching out to him. “I forgot to lock the door.”         For a brief moment, there was silence. She was staring down at the floor, wondering why he had come in here when there was a bathroom in her room too. He was staring dead at her, wondering what had been going on when he came in. Both began to say something at once.         “I’m sorry,” he said again. “What were you saying?”         “I was just asking why you didn’t use my bathroom,” she replied slowly.         “The light’s burned out,” he answered simply. “I guess I’m taking too many liberties. I’m sorry.”         “No. That’s all right. It’s fine. I was just wondering.”         “Still, I’m sorry to barge in here on you like this. I’ll just, um, leave you alone.”         “It’s okay,” Kristen blurted, grabbing his arm. “Tony, it’s okay. I wasn’t doing anything in here anyway.”         “You look like you were crying,” he informed, looking up at her.         Having been caught red-handed, she looked back down at the floor. “I sort of was.”         He didn’t say anything for what seemed like an eternity. When he finally did speak, the words were slow, quiet and cautious. “I know you were really close to her.”         “I was,” she admitted with a nod, involuntarily beginning to cry again.         Tony, much to her surprise, pulled her toward him, much like she had done Donnie. He didn’t say anything - again, words would probably have just gotten in the way - but his presence was more than enough. He was so calming. So...there. He always seemed to be there when she needed a shoulder.         “I’m ... I’m sorry,” she said, withdrawing from the embrace and again wiping her eyes.         He looked extremely concerned. “Why?”         “This...this doesn’t involve you. I shouldn’t unload it all on you.”         “Shh. Shh. It’s okay,” he assured, taking her in his arms once more. “It’s all right.”         His arms around her made her feel safe. Safer than she’d ever felt. And his whispered words in her ear calmed her like nothing had before. “It’s all right. It’s all right.”         For some reason, she believed that. She really, truly believed that ...